Manifesting the Perfect Sale Season

Hello! Firstly, if you haven’t already heard the news, you can now find my sartorial babble not only here and on the HR Patreon, but also over at Magasin, where I’m working as editorial assistant and junior writer for the talented and unimpeachably stylish Laura Reilly.

I have been espousing the greatness of Magasin for months on Instagram and to those of you cool enough to be patrons, who have been wise to the newsletter (pronounced like “magazine,” you’re welcome for saving you from an embarrassing “cwasson” vs croissant snafu) since at least August, when I gushed over its fashion prescience, weekly sales roundups, and thoughtful takes on consumerism that don’t veer into purchase-shaming but also avoid the hell of the “TEN ITEMS YOU NEED RIGHT AT THIS SECOND, CONSIDER IF YOUR LIFE IS EVEN WORTH LIVING IF YOU DON’T HAVE THESE ITEMS YET, IT’S NOT, RIGHT? SO DIE THEN” energy of [many redacted fashion publications].

I am so, so grateful to HR for helping me work up to this opportunity, and to you for being here and keeping me focused on this path, though the going has been slow and the territory uncharted (by me, at least). I will be continuing to work on HR as usual, but I hope you check out Magasin and send it to your mom or grandpa or worst enemy’s worst enemy (potentially your newest friend?).

Anyway!

As the holiday I famously do not celebrate as I do not eat turkey and do not much like the USA approaches, I am reminded of sale seasons past, in which objects that would normally never whet my aesthetic palate suddenly become bonafide fetish objects in my eyes, seemingly overnight and due solely to their reduced price tags. I have no incisive theory or superfluous acronyms to lob at this phenomenon. This year, I am simplifying my relationship with the F/W sale season by simply manifesting the perfect sale (for me).

Sorry to everyone else, but by thinking really hard about them and including a roundup in this post, the below items will all garner incredible, mind-bendingly steep discounts before the new year rolls in. I apologize because I assume that this means there will be less manifestation energy to render your desired objects affordable… I don’t know how this works! Maybe if you share your wishlist or a few key items with me in comments or via DMs on Instagram, some of my shockingly powerful will can be siphoned into your cause. I’m not stingy, and I think we all deserve to find our dream $900 sweaters accidentally mis-priced at 50 bucks in time for the first really cold days of the season.

Below: items that WILL GO ON SALE on Bl*ck Fr*day for like 75% OFF OR MORE. Is it healthy for the manifestation to add a “MARK MY WORDS” to that mantra? And if an item below is already on sale… well, it will be given to me for free. JUST YOU WAIT.

Bonus: I actually wrote a bit about each item this time around! How classic HR of me.

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Thank you SO MUCH for your support, whatever you are able and willing to do to help is extremely valuable to me and I’m honored to be a small part of your life on the web.

Kracken Blouse – $746

Deliciously impractical, would probably instantly give any dry cleaner an ulcer. The chain-laden sleeves that cover the backs of the hands like an exoskeleton are the best part.

Veggie Crewneck – $60.14 (Sale)

What a lush illustration, like something out of a richly rendered fairy tale picture book, on a tee that looks to be sleek and well-fitting.

Hull Sweater – $645

If you don’t know…

…now you know why I must have this sweater.

Sailor Collar Jacket – $700

I won many sailing races as a child (in a Sabot, which is in essence a bathtub, though one that you don’t want water to get in), but I think I would have won the important tournament in which one of my ropes got stuck in its cleat just as I was about to pull off an underdog victory scarring my conception of “luck” for life if I had just been wearing this jacket.

Orange Pants – $458 (Sale)

I just think these are nice!

Marcel Jean – $225

I pretty much gave up on my hunt for The Perfect Jean once I realized that men’s 501s fit me 100% better than any jeans allegedly built for my body shape ever had, and this pair brags an offensive 32″ inseam (I am 5’1.5″), but my “I could fix her” mentality is kicking in and I am starting to feel like these… with the right tailor… maybe…

Cropped Curved Pants – $895

Refer to prior blurb for my height and you’ll understand why these appeal to me.

Dress – $220

A dress that has all the romance I crave (v-shaped waistline, voluminous skirt, high neck) with all the unexpected details I… didn’t expect (black grounding the top while white lifts the bottom, 3/4 length sleeves, mock neck).

Rx Slide Sandals – $135

These shoes have achieved the unthinkable: looking extremely sporty while not actually being suited to wear while playing any sport I can imagine. I think they’re perfect.

Ballerina Flats – $900

This shoe looks like it’s exhibit A in a case against a wannabe ballerina who allegedly targeted some actual ballerinas in acts of absurd, foot-centric violence. If you know anyone interested in producing Black Swan 2: Footing the Bill allerina, tell them to hit my line! Rights to that title NOT included!

Balaclava – kr 850,00

Cozy worm sweater in just the right shades of blue.

Book Worm – $80

I don’t like this brand much, but something about the little guy on this hat made me think I could get a second chance at my childhood without having to meet the heinous tweens who taught me the taste of betrayal at the tender age of 11. On second thought, maybe I don’t need the hat that costs as much as a session of therapy.

Arm/Leg Warmer – £165.00

The yellow is just funky enough that these don’t look like Lakers merch! I love this color combo but don’t want to look like I’m repping K*be every time I step out.

Apple Picker – $230

Do I garden? No. Do I pick apples? Not habitually. Why do I need this object? Yes.

Sapporo Shoulder Bag – $625

The instant I saw the louche ruffles and the lipstick-left-on-a-neck red of this bag, I wanted to eat it.

Giant Scrunchie – $525

I promise I will wear this.

Ok! That’s it! It’s been a big week! Hit my line if you want to share your draft picks for this season’s perfect sale, congratulate me on my new job, or apologize for being mean to me in the 5th grade.

❤ HR

Published by ESK

communist fashion-loving sicko

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