HR’s Got You: Pretentious Tornado Shelters, Wine Dads, and Broken ACs

More requests from HR readers via @humanrepeller! Hit HR’s line before requests get paywalled as I am now officially unemployed (If you get me a remote job, I will style you for the rest of your goddamn life ❤ )! Today, we are talking airport abjection, Beer Moms and Wine Dads, and the sludge of a summer sans AC.

“In the tornado shelter at the Denver International Airport and all you downloaded is Rei Harakami – @barstow_park_services

Hi Morgan This is the most pretentious outfit request HR has received to date, and I would have expected nothing less from you, so great work. I tried to keep things utilitarian (who knows how long you’ll be stuck in a bunker, last thing you need is to be wearing a scratchy wool sweater or something) but whimsical, cause it gets boring waiting for a tornado to decimate an airport! Wait, does this have something to do with the Denver Airport conspiracy theories? Well, in honor of Blucifer (and the chill Japanese music I know Morgan favors) I have included a ton of blue, indigo, and Japanese designers in the mix, as well as an absolutely insane T-shirt that will make sure if the bunker turns into a Lord of the Flies situation people will be too scared to try eating you.

Cruz Tank – $494
Indigo Dyed Mock Neck – $150
60s Top – $50
Martyrs Shirt – $200
Patchwork Chore Coat – $475
3D Denim Jacket – $90
80s CDG Pants – $245
Everyday Bag – $235
Twiggy Mary Janes – $287 (Sale)
Zucca Derbys – $290 (Sale)

“Wine Dad…”

A Wine Dad is someone of any gender who is a little snobby in a way born out of insecurity and more than made up for by gentleness and an intrinsic regality tempered by a sense of humor. In an outfit, that translates to deep wine colors (duh), classic patterns, collared shirts with relaxed silhouettes or funny details (i.e. a collared sweatshirt), and a whole lot of fun!

Vintage Sport Coat – $149
Polo Sweatshirt – $230
Slouchy Polo – $265
Striped Pajamas – $144 (Sale)
Red Striped Shorts – $160
Black Square Toe Loafers – $360 (Sale)
Pebbled Loafers – $260 (Sale)

“…or Beer Mom” – @marennab

Beer Mom is again a genderless concept that involves jovial bro-yness mitigated by a fastidiousness and care that manifests in favoring luxurious materials for even the most fraternity-ish silhouettes, mature colors to tone down garments that would otherwise read as fuckboy-adjacent, and a wry penchant for PBR’s aesthetics.

Newman Sunglasses – $175
Denim Sailor Pullover – $68
Camp Shirt – $350
Weekend Shirt – $115 (Sale)
Short Sleeve Polo – £98 (Sale)
T-Shirt – $165 (Sale)
Oversized Crewneck – $65
Jumpsuit – $249
Denim Jumpsuit – $198
Shortt Sleeve Jumpsuit – $190
Pabst Stripe Pants – $44
Petrol Pant 2 Pack – $120
Wessex Sabo Loafers – $490 (Sale)
UNEEK – $140

“Heat wave, broken AC” – @sophiecarlick

Eek! Hell! White linen and cotton everything, a bandana to keep your hair off your neck if you have it or to wipe sweat from your brow if you don’t, and some huaraches so your foot sweat evaporates readily.

Botanical Print Bandana – $34
Glow in the Dark Bandana – $7.98
Striped Bra – $230
Dirndl Top – $14.26
Vintage Linen Button-up – $24
Linen Tank – $19.40
Vintage Linen Shirt – $28
Linen Shirt – $38
90s Crop Top – $14.70
Antique Cotton Dress – $92
Antique Linen Slip Dress – $85
Cotton Midi Dress – $93
90s Summer Pants – $34
90s Linen Pants – $35
Cotton Trousers – $28.60
Vintage White Cotton Yoked Petticoat Skirt – $15
Maguey Net Bag – $98

Huarache Sandals – $143

Thank you for reading and to the people who submitted ideas for fits! I hope this helped a bit. Please let me know if it did (or SCREAM AT ME if it didn’t) at @humanrepeller on Instagram, like and share this post if you had a good time at any point in the past five minutes, and feel free to send more inquiries for HR to dutifully answer (hurry! I am making a Patreon soon and then submitting a request might cost a few bucks, so get ’em in free while you can)!

I hope your summer has had moments of euphoria and moments of healthy reckoning thus far.

❤ HR

Published by ESK

communist fashion-loving sicko

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