My Dark Nights of the Soul usually involve a substance-related disaster – taking too little or too much of a substance (anything from coffee to alcohol to my ADHD meds), taking something too late in the day, or a switch in meds that’s not going well. I write to you at 3 AM on 5/14 on many benign substances that, when taken too late in the day as they were on this day, guarantee a Dark Night of the Soul for me.
The contours of a DNOTS are ostensibly different for anyone who’s ever experienced one: the combination of mania and dread, feeling utterly alone in the world as your loved ones all are out of commission for hours on end, and a sickening desire to torpedo my entire life with a drastic decision are all characteristics of mine. Quite often, these bad decisions are purchases. Sometimes, the adrenaline rush from pressing “buy” on an item that would not have even entered the cart during a daytime hour and its subsequent minor crash allow me to sleep at last. Sometimes, just searching for these abject soon-to-be-purchases is enough to carry me gracefully through an all-nighter, till dawn, when my partner and friends and family are back in business and have to deal with me being a fucked-up slugboy for the rest of the day.
Rules for DNOTS purchases: must be either reasonably priced/on a crazy sale or wildly out of budget but incredibly compelling, must either have the most specific, idiosyncratic use possible or the most boneheaded and frivolous, and must provide joy in anticipating the package’s arrival back in the land of the living. Here are some of the things that I currently, as of 3:10 AM on 5/14, have in tabs on my screen, trigger finger twitching, discount coupon searching, livin’ on a prayer. I may be on ambien.
Obviously magical items.
Love the waist, the length, the color…
I want loafers that don’t hurt my feet!!!!
I need new sunglasses, I usually get 20 dollar pairs from drugstores when I sit on my previous pair but maybe it’s time to invest in… ack… nice sunglasses? And the “Utility Kimono” that is not at all a kimono would be a good addition to my wardrobe canon, especially with my proclivity to carry 100 things at all times.
Shiny and nice! But I feel like these must be extremely uncomfortable? If you know, lmk
Something Medieval and uncanny about this shirt. I’m into it.
Have wanted forever, finally went on sale, still over 1k, boooo
Smells like the California desert. Makes me sad and happy.
I’m feeling a very scrunchy vibe these days.
AS I SAID, I NEED LOAFERS
Have been eyeing these pants for a while, can’t tell if I like them or hate them
These look sick, the angularity is so interesting
Ok confession I have already purchased a black one and it is on its way.
It is now 5:37 AM! Time to go drink coffee and take my meds early so this doesn’t happen again tonight! What are your DNOTS go-to browsing sites? PLEASE tell me in the comments below or on IG @humanrepeller so I can have an arsenal of sites to load up next time I’m feeling wired and abject.