The extremely fashionable and kind Saige Power recently sent me a DM requesting HR’s intervention. They wrote: “I’m going to a music festival this summer and want to feel chic and hot and comfortable and gender confirmed (a mix of masc and femme). Also I’m travelling to get there and will need to pack light!”

Now, I personally hate music festivals. My defining memory of the single festival I’ve attended, FYF in 2014 I believe, is almost getting dying at the Grimes stage and having to be crowd surfed and then carried like a baby by a security guard to get to safety. BUT! This critical vantage point just might have allowed me to create the Best music festival style guide in existence as of today. I’m throwing down the gauntlet.

My least favorite parts of music festivals are:

• The inevitable sunburn
• The potential for a card/phone-losing disaster
• The weather misery usually involved
• Foot pain
• Going too long without any personal space
• Being too short to see anything

That last one you’re on your own with (as am I). I can’t for the life of me find a shoe that gives adequate height while being something I would actually recommend wearing for 12+ hours straight, especially for someone (like me) with fucked-up, chronically painful feet. If you find this white whale, please hmu.

I also don’t have any ideas for personal space maintenance besides maybe accessorizing with brass knuckles but I don’t think I’m legally allowed to recommend that so I won’t!

Other than that, these complaints undergirded the aesthetic choices made in each of these outfits. They all feature some level of sun protection, temperature regulation, and storage options, and the concepts could be adapted to feel right for a person of any gender.

I hope you have fun at your festival, Saige and any of the rest of y’all going to one, and if Grimes is playing stay the FUCK out of the way (unless you wanna wave hi to Chelsea Manning <3 ).

Sartorial Bedhead

This look is the lowest maintenance-seeming, most if-Matthew-McConaughey-in-Dazed-and-Confused-had-been-transmasc look in this post. I would highly suggest not buying the below shirt and instead taking your own T (these from Uniqlo might be perfect) and stapling/sewing/affixing it up as shown. I’d also advocate for featuring your favorite baseball cap, as long as it’s a little cheeky and preferably red/white. The zip-off pants would be ideal for changes in temperature, and PLEASE look at that fucking Marlborough fanny pack (no comment on smoking itself, the fanny pack is just genius).

Crinklecore

This is for those festivalgoers trying to be seen as Mature but like a little Goth, a fine choice to make! This look is 1000% made by the textures, so can be recreated easily at a thrift store–just look for a glimpse of satin’s shine or some telltale shirring, stay in neutral colors, and you are good to go.

Chill Tactics

This is probably the most utilitarian look. Enough pockets you probably don’t need a bag, but add the perfect accessory below if you want to keep your keys and cash even more easily accessible. Tactical garments can keep you either warm or cool, give you great foot support, and hold up to any moshing that may occur. Please, not at a Grimes show.

Stolen Cyclist Valor

Yowapeda fans rise up !!! You will never get lost in a crowd with these bright colors, and this look is so painfully earnestly sporty that it will throw everyone off and make them think you got lost on the way to the BIKING festival…… it’ll be funny…. you should do it

Prairie Bro Companion/Serf’s Up

Outfit recipe: peasant-y, romantic-y top + unhinged striped board shorts + bright fanny pack + bizarro headwear decision + Sk8-hi’s = the platonic ideal festival look.

If you have any qs for me (look how I actually answered one! See I do it sometimes!) please let me know in the comments or on IG @humanrepeller and I may make a post based on your ideas.

I also maaaay start some kind of bonus content scheme in the next few weeks because I want to be able to fund the purchase of some of these clothes (for research purposes). So stay tuned. Much love!

<3 HR