Don’t you ever just want to pull a reverse Helen of Troy and start a world-bending cataclysm, not with your loveliness, but with sheer sartorial antagonism? I know I do, or I at least want to piss off the person I’m dating viciously or maybe a Concerned Mother-type in Trader Joe’s. This is where antagonistic dressing comes into play.
Instead of dividing the garments into tops, bottoms, etc, this time I divvied them up into themed looks, all of which ooze ominousness or abjection or perversity in such a way that is guaranteed to throw onlookers off their game and anger the gods. They are all very wearable, still, and as always, gender-irrelevant and ultrasexy.
Knight of Nightmares
This look started from the shoes, a dazzling pair of armor-like clogs with iridescent heels, that made me want to create a knight-inspired look. The top followed, with the surreal coloring and felting that place it somewhere between a sponge that’s gone moldy and a sacred geological formation (and just get a LOAD of those BUTTONS). The earrings are a literalist addition that I might have to get for myself, they are so sick in their design, the headpiece I thought was an inspired touch and I expect will have a streetwear revival as it IS the ’20s again, and the silken pearl-colored pants tie it all together, lookin mad comfy.
Memento Mori Girl
Mori girl style has always attracted me with its lumpen silhouettes and earthy tones. I love the idea of letting an unhinged R. Crumb tee peek out under the slashes of one of the two sweaters below, a secret memento mori only you will know about (unless you take off your sweater). The “head cover” is something I desperately covet and points the eye down to the blues in the fringey skirt, which interacts eerily with the seaweed bag, one of the wildest accessories I’ve ever seen in my life and TOTAL mori girl steez. The purple boots emphasize the colors in the skirt and lighten everything up a little both literally and figuratively (you will die, but you can at least wear purple boots in the meantime!).
Maintain a Radius
Blah blah social distancing blah blah personal space blah blah can you IMAGINE how much you’d respect and fear someone if you saw them walking down the street in this fit? The top and pants are obviously insane and force your body to move in bizarre ways to accommodate them. I imagine you’d have the posture of a Sim in this look. The collar emphasizes the clean abstractions of the top and pants, while the shoes challenges it with their cake-frosting aesthetic.
You Let Me Rust
This is simultaneously a very simple and VERY COMPLEX look. The bodysuit looks like a frilled lizard in hiding (which is the point, assuming its name is meaningful) and the boots, which can be scrunched into different shapes with the bungee laces, look like topographical maps of a faraway planet that’s still capable of sustaining life. I’m not sure why, but this feels like a great breakup outfit. I finished it off with two pairs of double rings, one of which could definitely NOT be used as a weapon in a pinch…
Piss Everyone Off By Being Right
I do not celebrate Thanksgiving, much to the ire of most of my family who spend the first three weeks of November trying to convince me to pretend that it’s simply a celebration of “food and family” and not a legitimization of genocide, but if I had to, this is what I would wear. The shirt is inflammatory (and correct), the pants are rabies-inducingly cheeky, the raw, painted Tabis are infuriatingly insouciant, and I just had to top it off with Holden’s hunting cap.
Void of Desire
This look is a paean to the perversity of materialism, starting with the “Want Not” shirt that is of course from a hype-based brand, the pants that can be chained up in different ways to create fascinating shapes and movement in the outfit, the antique jacket that gives all of this a layer of ironic perspective, and the necklace and shoes that look like the bottom of a 6-year-old’s jewelry box.
Something Lurks Beneath the Surface
I cannot stop looking at this top. Its creases and folds suggest something hidden in a crevice and the neckline is absurdly modest. You want people to see this look and think about concealment and revelation. Hence the cozy-looking hood, the gym shorts with the silly thigh straps, the tights with a hidden message, the shoes almost completely concealed by laces, and finally, a long oilcloth coat to hide everything under.
Which of these inflammatory looks is your favorite? Let me know in the comments if you want, otherwise, please like, subscribe, and start a fight with your outfit decisions today!